Wow
Im glad that I am at the point in my life that I can see a perfect thing, and not be ignorant enough to screw it up. Fantasy is a big part of my life. But I have a living fantasy. One that everyone, man or woman, wants but not all have. It is a precious thing and as far as I am concerned the presence of this much desired friendship is worth keeping it so. Ive gone to this friend in need before, and had the weight of the world and many years of abuse and neglect just washed right off of me. And the processed used to achieve this is more desirable then can be imagined. We are so perfect for each other, we have the 'no need to speak, never an uncomfortable silence' type of friendship. Yeah, we use each other too but its not an ugly thing, its not cheap nor even out of the ordinary for us anymore. Its just a fact. Ive also never ever not once made the first move with this person. Very odd thing about it is he really is a chick magnent. Its hard describe how girls act around this guy, and any girl nearby can sure as hell understand the reaction if they arent in the throes of it at that time.
Oh, believe me Ive had my moments where I thought for a second, hey, this could work, he could be my boyfriend. Well, haha @ me for those few helpless seconds one day back yonder in time, but at least now, to this day, I can appreciate that its always there for me. That renewal of soul, spirit and body that I get from this lover of 17 years.
He is personally responsible for renewing me, for rejuvenating me during times in my life I thought that would be impossible. I owe him a lot. Hes had some problems lately, so I had to avoid him for a long time for my own good, but he seems to be at least trying atm, so I had to go see him. Look at him. Just as ever, just as day one, and the last day will be, our souls spoke to each other. Our lips never moved.
posted by Ĵōÿ at 10:29 PM
4 Comments:
WOW...
Well all things considered baby you need that friendship more then air some times, isn't it some kinda wonderful that they do exist in this fucking rat race of shit we call life. I envy you I wish I had a friend like that, I wish I could be a friend like that to myself then I wouldn't have to find one of my own.
God I feel so fucking lonely and so shot down right now its fucking sickening. I'm getting to the point that I don't want to deal with people or life any more, I'm so fucking tired, so tired.
there is a part of me that seriously wants to die but i could never do it, its just to fucking selfish of me.
I'm glad you back Joy I've missed you dearly more then you'll ever understand or know.
Love ya
K
I know this get rough and ugly believe me. I get the type of day I described above so rarely, so when I do its hard to fathom how much I appreciate it. There is almost always a part of me that seriously wants to die, I know the feeling so well, the desolation that it brings. I was talking to my best friend about you today too, she will be here to begin posting soon, she just got on the net!! But we were talking about how you could meet the coolest person in a place like this, and I told her all about you and Jeff. Just like its a fact that now that I know how beautiful life can be if I just dont fuck up this 17 year friendship up by going overboard, I also now know a life filled with a warm fuzzy guy named Jeff whose simple presence on my blog makes me feel comfort that I havent had much of in life, and the serenity, the beautiful and honest laughter that I share with a cleric I know named Q. I cant life without those people, now that I know them. Now that they have shown me some of the things I DO need and CAN get simply by opening up on a webpage and sharing my soul. Love ya, cant live without ya, remember that always.
ok so ya made me cry AGAIN...
Damn you Joy, you are and always will be a huge part of my heart after all you had me at hello you know that.
I can only hope that one day our physical paths may cross too so I can give you a big mad hug...
Q is the reflection of who I aspire to be on a daily basis
Peace
K
We all need someone like that in our lives. A best friend is a great thing, and one all too few people actually have.
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