Opinions and Assholes
I am just curious as to the opinions of the readers here. I have a friend whom Ive known for 17 years or so. And yes, for the last 13 years or so we have had sex occasionally. The thing is about 12 years ago he made some bs comment to me while we were in bed. It went like this.
Him: God I love you.
Me: wtf, you dont have to bs me, Im already here.
Him: *giggled* then said, ok, well then I missed you a lot.
Me: Thats fair enough.
So Ive always made it clear to him that he didnt have to bullshit me about anything. Now considering a couple things first.
1. He has a few girlfriends.
2. He knows that he doesnt have to bs or be fake with me to enjoy my company.
Yet he keeps making odd comments. The most recent being something about "love making love to you". Pardon my crude french but I thought we were just... er... um.. fucking.
I asked a friend who doesnt really know him what he thought. He said, "maybe he just says those things to keep you from seeing other guys." And that makes good sense. But I dont want to discredit him unfairly.
So to the men who read here. Why would a guy say stuff like that, act jealous of other guys I talk to. And all but threaten to beat them down for hanging out with me, if he doesnt have some kind of feelings about me and knows he doesnt have to prove shit to me to have me around?
To the women who read here. Isnt this why we roll our eyes whenever we hear the famous old phrases about how men say what they think and dont have any hidden agendas?
posted by Ĵōÿ at 12:24 PM
4 Comments:
Make no mistake Joy, some men play games just like some women do. I don't know the person in question, but it sounds like he's playing what I call the "Mine" game. Thats where they want to be able to go be with whoever they want but want you to hang faithfully by and stay true to them. The Demon has done it to me several times. She doesn't want to be with me (Except occasionally) But gets jealous if I'm with someone else. It's just dumb. I have a frend who has a grl doing this to him too. It seems to be a popular game.
It is possible he is just saying things that men are taught that they are supposed to say during sex :I love you, Your the best, I love making love to you, ect. ect. Not many women go for the friends with benifits stuff and so many guys say crap like that to keep it going. But it does sound more like the "Mine" Game to me. Another reason I don't play games with people, I hate sh*t like that. Be honest or f*ck off.
Try telling him that if he says crap like that again your going to take him up on the offer and expect more out of the relationship. Bet that would stop him from saying it. Either that or you might find he has more involved than you think.
From a man's perspective... maybe he truly does "Love making love to you" , which to him could be the same thing as saying "Damn I love fucking you" (it's just that we're taught from a young age women don't like the ummm 'French' terms, and old habits are hard to break)
As for saying he 'loves' you, given everything you've said, maybe it's his way of saying how close he feels to you emotionally after sex (some men do feel that you know)...
You know him better than any of us, what agenda could he be working? It seems you two have a groove that works, he knows he doesn't have to say it... yet he does.
It's possible he'd like to move the relationship to something less casual, but maybe it's just an 'emotional outburst', or, as others have said, he could be playing the 'mine' game.
I hope you get it figured out.
Wow. I really didnt expect to gain so much clarity from this post but I have. Thanks to Bookends suggestions and comments to me on IM and then Az's and Bill's comments here. On one hand I tend to agree with Az, but thats clouded by other jealous friends who would like me to be with them and not this person I am thinking of. So I cant take their comments seriously. Az I can take seriously because he doesnt know this person yet has reflected the same feeling I get from him. But as I said, I didnt want to discredit him so I am also taking Bills comments to heart.
Az, as usual, you are my oasis in the desert of life. I will do EXACTLY what you suggested, that is utterly the most perfect way I can imagine to confront this person with the comments he makes.
That protects me from being hurt should your feelings on the "MINE" issue be right, allows a comfort zone should Bills theory prove to be the one at work here.
Thanks to you three for most intelligent advice Ive had the pleasure to receive.
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