Memories that don't let go
Don't know why I'm sitting here thinking about her tonight. I think it was the music that brought her back to the front of my mind. I didn't pick them out on purpose, or at least not conciously, but each song reminds me of her. Blues Traveller "The Mountains Win Again", Don Henley "Boys of Summer", Ray Price "For the Good Times", Indigo Girls "Ghost".
Not that she ever fully leaves my mind, but I keep her in the back whenever I can. But now she sits here with me and the loss I still feel. It's been 2 1/2 years now. Not the longest she's been gone, that would be 4 years which was the last time before now. But knowing that she has a family of her own now makes me believe that she's not coming back, ever. What use does she have for an old fat kid now?
I don't really like to go to the movies anymore, and forget about bars. I cringe when someone mentions kereoke. When I visit my friend Kells in Hamden I find myself looking at every crowd, into every passing car, just in case. I know she's in the town somewhere, but not exactly where. Probably closer to New Haven than I go, but who knows right? I don't know how to let go of her. I always thought the pain would one day eclipse the love, but it hasn't happened yet.
I'd be happy just to be friends again. Just to see her once in a while. Just to hear her voice occasionally. Just to know she thinks about me at all now. Just to never think about her again.
How do I get free?
posted by Azathoth100 at 1:04 AM
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