Love for Mary - A blogspot Addition

You guys know that this particular blog has always been a sort of private meeting room for the few (and those who I am proud to have met and call a friend) bloggers who made it here.

Dan was first as I met him on Everquest when he wasnt much more then a little kid. Though he never really acted like one, he was always there for me and offered me support that even the adults around me wouldnt at that time. As hard as it may be for some to understand, gaming isnt always a relaxing thing lol. Now Dan has grown into a fine and gorgeous man like I KNEW he would. I would be proud to call a guy like Dan my son and told his mother that myself. I am still proud to have been able to call Dan one of the first people I met online that I truly cared for and wanted the best for no matter what. I still love and respect Dan to this day and I miss the days and nights where we talked way into the wee hours. If one of my sons turns out to have even a quarter of Dans character and integrity then I will be the happiest mother on earth.

Then came Jeff. I think I had an early mid life crisis that brought me to blogspot to type out my feelings and hopefully make myself feel better. I hadnt made more then a couple of post when Jeff posted to my blog, and from that day on his words and his compassion and wisdom comforted me through some very rough times. Because of my distrustful nature I really just thought that he would come, and go, as many had before. But not Jeff. He stayed, and when I was feeling down, he was there with the perfect words to lift me up, or to bash those who were bashing me. In turn I watched Jeff go through some pretty depressing times of his own, and although I always felt inadequate to repay him for all his soothing kindness towards me, at least I felt I had to try. I never had a big brother who I was close to, or even a sibling to protect me, from myself and others. Until Jeff came along. And now here a few years later (omg i cant believe that) Jeff is now getting married and will be spending his life with someone who I can only pray will love him for at LEAST half of what he is worth. I dont think there is enough love on earth to love Jeff as much as he deserves it, but I sure hope and pray that she will try her ass off!

Then there was Kristi. And for all of the times I wished I'd had a big sister whose shoulder I could cry on, there she was. I missed having that kind of relationship with a female most of my life. But with Kristi it was hard to feel bitter about it, because she made up for all those lonely moments and then so much more. She is the earth to my fire. With her in my life teaching me so much if only I will listen I dont feel I could ever go wrong with her. I gave her trust that I had given no other female in my entire life. There is nothing I cant discuss with her and nothing she cant talk to me about. I'd call her a mother figure but I cant believe anyone could have as much fun with their mother as Kristi and I have had (plus shes not that old). But she exudes a mother image for me and she is like a mother though, one everyone wishes they would have had. In the sense of, if I have a problem, she can almost always give me a good solution to it, if I choose not to listen to it, its my problem, if I choose to listen, I always find a peace in her suggestions that I've rarely seen elsewhere.

So to Dan, Jeff and Kristi, I sincerely love you guys with all of my heart, and if I have my way Ill get to meet you one day and give you the greatest hug for all the love you have forced into my little heart when I wanted nothing more then to just say fuck all people forever. Its in large part because of you that I have breezed through the last bunch of years with peace in my heart instead of the sadness that has lived there for so long.

So now I have to introduce another person. If I had to describe her to you all it would be to say she is like my twin. She is funny and smart and beautiful in the way that most people only can dream of being. In the way all of you have always been to me. I wouldn't and haven't just put any old person on this blog, just the people I honestly love completely unconditionally. I know we all don't get here as much as we may want to, or used to, but its still here and I know if I have a massive breakdown I can still come here and talk to those dearest to me about it. So I have invited Mary here now. There is nothing you cant say to Mary, she wants and deserves and needs the honesty and the love and peace you have given me for so long.

It pains me sometimes to see how we have grown apart a bit from how we started here, but at the same time I realize that because we have grown at all, we now do not have the same lives that brought us here before. I think thats a good thing, and although I am sad we have all grown older, Im proud at the same time, because there are so few people on this earth I can truly trust. I think its a miracle that there is more then one of you, much less four now.

I hope you know that no matter where life takes us all, I will never ever forget each and every single thing that each one of you has done to help me grow into a person that I like much more then the girl who posted here the first day.

Love to you all!!

Joy